Well with only two weeks left of summer, I have a lot I want to do. The problem is, I don't know what that is yet. I'm back at my parents house in my home town and I'm bored. The worst part of growing up is friends disappear faster than they did when you were younger. when you were little, friends were there for good, but now, people are growing up, and growing apart. And they are all for good things: getting married, moving away for real careers, grad school, It's great, how can you not be happy for them. I guess with all this happening, some stay around finishing their undergrad, meeting new people and making new friends. It's all a little stagnant though. I feel in much need for a change, a good change. Yes, a break up was a pretty big change, but that just launched me back into my old life, not anything new. Which brings me to my final two weeks of summer.
I want to make these last two weeks count. School starts on the 27th, and I'll have some new neighbors, some old neighbors, new classes and hopefully the beginnings of a new life. In these last two weeks of summer, I want to decide how I want my life to go, I obviously can't plan too specifically, but I want to be a different person. I want to be happy, like really happy. Not this stagnant contentment I've been in for the last 7 weeks.
It's weird to me that I'm excited for school to start, it's a little hint to how great my summer has been. I'm going to make these last two weeks make me wish summer wasn't over.. I'm going to have a job, A good job. Doing something I really want. It's going to happen. I'm determined.
Saturday, August 11, 2012
Tuesday, July 24, 2012
A Brief Glimpse Inside my Head
Wow.... I guess I should be fired from the blogging world... I do not do well under pressure. And tend to forget about everything else in my life when I have "more important" things going on.
( this post is kind of all over the place, sort of how my whole life feels right now, I'm all over the place)
This summer I decided that taking summer classes would be a great way for me to get a little bit ahead in my major. As you know, I'm going into math education, and it's a lot of work. I sometimes forget why I'm wasting my time with such a hard major, when I know that I won't make much, and hopefully wont have to work much if I can find a husband to provide for my family, so I can stay home and raise the family I've always wanted.
An education is very important to me. All my life, I've been told that besides family and the gospel, a good education is the most important thing to have. Knowing that the future has many surprises in store for me, I know I can't completely rely on a loving husband to provide financially, although I'm hoping my husband will be able to do that, who knows what could happen years down the road. I've always been a pretty independent person when it comes to things like that. I started working as a dishwasher when I was 15, and hated every minute of it. I worked there for 4 years, and as time went on, I received promotions and raises, and ended up really loving working there.
Along with my independent side, I also have this "dependence" on others, if you want to call it that. But more than a dependence its a strong desire to be able to depend on people. I'm well aware that the reason we aren't put on this earth by ourselves is because we need each other. Families are here to offer support and help and guidance, they are in a way our personal angels, that know us and love us and want us to succeed. The love that I have for someone comes with this really strong trust in them as well. I have amazing friends and family, whom I love and trust. I love being able to trust someone, because that trust comes with the knowledge that they love me too. Feeling so loved, and loving others gives me an amazing strength. It's the people around me, that I love, that have such high hopes for me, which drives me to be a better person.
It's scary for me when someone I love leaves me. It's another brick added to the wall I build to shut people out. Losing the love of someone you love hurts more than anything, The wall in ways is there to shut people out, letting more people in= more people to love= more people to leave you, and break you. It's a protection. A shield. In another way, its a little obstacle for those that really care, the ones willing to climb over, or break through that wall to be a part of me, and my life. ( I have cynical moments). I'm hoping that the wall I slowly build doesn't shut out the ones I need in my life, but invites them as a challenge. :)
This break-up has been so weird for me. I miss him so much and still love and care for him. I miss his family and his smiles, and goofy jokes, and everything about him. But oddly enough, I'm ok. I've never loved someone more in my life, you'd think it would wreck me, but it hasn't. Every important person in your life has valuable things to teach you, I know I've learned so much from him. I've grown emotionally, intellectually, and mostly spiritually. The growth that I experienced with him, in way prepared me to be away from him. With out the spiritual knowledge that i gained while with him, I don't think I'd be the happy girl that I am right now.
Proverbs 3:5-6 says, "Trust in the lord with all thy heart, and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths."
I've gained monumental more trust in the lord, and I see him directing my paths. I still feel like I'm Dorothy on the yellow brick road, I don't know how the yellow brick road is going to get me to my eternal family, but I know it will, and I'm going to follow it like its an IRON ROD. I'll get there, I know it. I'm happy, a little guarded right now, but happy nonetheless.
Welcome to a little tine part of the millions of things I have going on in my brain.
( this post is kind of all over the place, sort of how my whole life feels right now, I'm all over the place)
This summer I decided that taking summer classes would be a great way for me to get a little bit ahead in my major. As you know, I'm going into math education, and it's a lot of work. I sometimes forget why I'm wasting my time with such a hard major, when I know that I won't make much, and hopefully wont have to work much if I can find a husband to provide for my family, so I can stay home and raise the family I've always wanted.
An education is very important to me. All my life, I've been told that besides family and the gospel, a good education is the most important thing to have. Knowing that the future has many surprises in store for me, I know I can't completely rely on a loving husband to provide financially, although I'm hoping my husband will be able to do that, who knows what could happen years down the road. I've always been a pretty independent person when it comes to things like that. I started working as a dishwasher when I was 15, and hated every minute of it. I worked there for 4 years, and as time went on, I received promotions and raises, and ended up really loving working there.
Along with my independent side, I also have this "dependence" on others, if you want to call it that. But more than a dependence its a strong desire to be able to depend on people. I'm well aware that the reason we aren't put on this earth by ourselves is because we need each other. Families are here to offer support and help and guidance, they are in a way our personal angels, that know us and love us and want us to succeed. The love that I have for someone comes with this really strong trust in them as well. I have amazing friends and family, whom I love and trust. I love being able to trust someone, because that trust comes with the knowledge that they love me too. Feeling so loved, and loving others gives me an amazing strength. It's the people around me, that I love, that have such high hopes for me, which drives me to be a better person.
It's scary for me when someone I love leaves me. It's another brick added to the wall I build to shut people out. Losing the love of someone you love hurts more than anything, The wall in ways is there to shut people out, letting more people in= more people to love= more people to leave you, and break you. It's a protection. A shield. In another way, its a little obstacle for those that really care, the ones willing to climb over, or break through that wall to be a part of me, and my life. ( I have cynical moments). I'm hoping that the wall I slowly build doesn't shut out the ones I need in my life, but invites them as a challenge. :)
This break-up has been so weird for me. I miss him so much and still love and care for him. I miss his family and his smiles, and goofy jokes, and everything about him. But oddly enough, I'm ok. I've never loved someone more in my life, you'd think it would wreck me, but it hasn't. Every important person in your life has valuable things to teach you, I know I've learned so much from him. I've grown emotionally, intellectually, and mostly spiritually. The growth that I experienced with him, in way prepared me to be away from him. With out the spiritual knowledge that i gained while with him, I don't think I'd be the happy girl that I am right now.
Proverbs 3:5-6 says, "Trust in the lord with all thy heart, and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths."
I've gained monumental more trust in the lord, and I see him directing my paths. I still feel like I'm Dorothy on the yellow brick road, I don't know how the yellow brick road is going to get me to my eternal family, but I know it will, and I'm going to follow it like its an IRON ROD. I'll get there, I know it. I'm happy, a little guarded right now, but happy nonetheless.
Welcome to a little tine part of the millions of things I have going on in my brain.
Tuesday, May 22, 2012
four months later.
So it's been a while, like for months. I hope you haven't been missing me terribly. I had a fabulous semester, minus one class, that i will be retaking this summer, I didn't fail it, its just a class that requires a high grade, and boosting my GPA would be nice too.. Summer is in full swing and almost over for me, as I will be taking classes summer semester. I'm still looking for a job and would love to know if anyone knows anywhere hiring in Logan, UT. I'm still dating my wonderful boyfriend Thomas, and Love him so much. He's leaving pretty soon to North Dakota to do some plumbing for the summer, it makes me sad, but I'll live. here is a picture of us from valentines day.
Monday, January 30, 2012
Busy... Busy... Busy
So right now I have a ton I need to be doing, so what better way to get it done than wasting time blogging right? Maybe its just me, but do you ever just feel, when you have the most to do, that you just want to do nothing... But you can't do nothing, because thats a complete waste of time, so instead you just take up time by doing completely unnecessary things? That's how I feel right now. That's why I'm writing this post. I really don't have anything that exciting to say but I want to stay productive so I don't have to do the necessary things.
This is the third week of the new semester. I have new teachers and new classes, and a new boyfriend, Remember Mr. T? yeah that's right. Anyway, One of my math professors is probably the coolest, and weirdest guys i have ever met. I think I have heard from him, at least 10 times that because I am a math major, therefore a mathematician, that I along with the other mathematicians in this world are most elite, above all other species. So yeah, Technically I can say I'm better than you, and it's not being braggy, I'm just stating a FACT. :)
thats all I have for now. Have a Good day!
This is the third week of the new semester. I have new teachers and new classes, and a new boyfriend, Remember Mr. T? yeah that's right. Anyway, One of my math professors is probably the coolest, and weirdest guys i have ever met. I think I have heard from him, at least 10 times that because I am a math major, therefore a mathematician, that I along with the other mathematicians in this world are most elite, above all other species. So yeah, Technically I can say I'm better than you, and it's not being braggy, I'm just stating a FACT. :)
thats all I have for now. Have a Good day!
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
Great things to Come.... and other stuff.
Wow. I don't think I have had a weekend as awesome as last weekend in a long time. It was really great. Let me quickly go over my dating life starting from the beginning of December so you're all caught up (Not my whole dating life, just the part that pertains to the story.)
So December comes along and I have taken an interest in two different men, both from my swing dancing class and both very different. One of them, we will call him Mr. T, had asked me on a few dates prior to December; The other one, we will call Mr. J, i had not been on any dates with, but I thought he was pretty sweet, and he told me that he was interested in me (bad idea). Mr T asked me to go on a date with him to his work Christmas party, and I said yes. We went and I found out that we were the only couple there that wasn't married. Kind of Awkward at first, but it turned into a fun night, and at the end of the night one of his co-workers asked if they would be seeing me at the work easter party... Didn't really know how to answer that.... Oh well.
About a week after that my roommates and I decided we wanted to take dates to see the lights in Salt Lake City. I thought that since I had just been out with Mr. T that it would be a good idea to ask Mr. J.. Well I asked him, and realized right after that I really wish I had asked Mr. T but it was too late, and now Mr. J liked me a lot more, and I had completely lost interest in him (Every time a guy I like starts liking me, I lose interest in him). We went through the date and it was fine.. but it wasn't Mr. T. thats when I decided i really liked him (T). But I didnt get a chance to tell him before school ended for the winter break, not that I really would anyway, without testing out the waters a little more first. Over the break, I decided that I needed to tell him. That way we could not have class together awkwardly, and he would have time to think about what I told him. So I did, I told him that I liked him (over a text, but it was cute, we were playing the question game and he asked me to tell him a secret). I invited him to my roommates New Years party and had fun there, (no new years kiss though) So school started back again last week. And this weekend was the first of the new semester (and it was 4 days long WOOO). So earlier in the week a guy asked me on a date for Friday and I said yes, but I wasn't too excited. but thats ok, because he cancelled earlier that friday. Just in time for Mr. T to ask me to go bowling, and watch a movie. Which ended in him Finally holding my hand. He asked me to hang out on Saturday, and he introduced me to all of his High School friends. I invited him to my place on Sunday, and watched a movie, and he told me he liked me. And then he took me for Jamba on Monday and Visited for a little. It's been a good week.
So there ya go.. I have been so patient, I feel like I've been interested in him forever!!! and i was sure nothing was going to happen, PATIENCE IS A VIRTUE. yep sir it is.
Now I'm kind of playing things by ear.. and Praying i dont lose interest, because hes the greatest guy.. Just so sweet, just thinking of him gives me an adrenaline rush... weird i know. I really like him,...
The end.
More exciting things.
My discrete math Professor has his PhD. His last name is Brown. Doc Brown anyone? ( Back to the future reference)
Today is tuesday--- Taco tuesday at cafe rio.
School is Awesome. I'm having a great semester so far.
Math is awful... Never major in math... I dont know what I am thinking.
Pinterest is fun.
the end.
So December comes along and I have taken an interest in two different men, both from my swing dancing class and both very different. One of them, we will call him Mr. T, had asked me on a few dates prior to December; The other one, we will call Mr. J, i had not been on any dates with, but I thought he was pretty sweet, and he told me that he was interested in me (bad idea). Mr T asked me to go on a date with him to his work Christmas party, and I said yes. We went and I found out that we were the only couple there that wasn't married. Kind of Awkward at first, but it turned into a fun night, and at the end of the night one of his co-workers asked if they would be seeing me at the work easter party... Didn't really know how to answer that.... Oh well.
About a week after that my roommates and I decided we wanted to take dates to see the lights in Salt Lake City. I thought that since I had just been out with Mr. T that it would be a good idea to ask Mr. J.. Well I asked him, and realized right after that I really wish I had asked Mr. T but it was too late, and now Mr. J liked me a lot more, and I had completely lost interest in him (Every time a guy I like starts liking me, I lose interest in him). We went through the date and it was fine.. but it wasn't Mr. T. thats when I decided i really liked him (T). But I didnt get a chance to tell him before school ended for the winter break, not that I really would anyway, without testing out the waters a little more first. Over the break, I decided that I needed to tell him. That way we could not have class together awkwardly, and he would have time to think about what I told him. So I did, I told him that I liked him (over a text, but it was cute, we were playing the question game and he asked me to tell him a secret). I invited him to my roommates New Years party and had fun there, (no new years kiss though) So school started back again last week. And this weekend was the first of the new semester (and it was 4 days long WOOO). So earlier in the week a guy asked me on a date for Friday and I said yes, but I wasn't too excited. but thats ok, because he cancelled earlier that friday. Just in time for Mr. T to ask me to go bowling, and watch a movie. Which ended in him Finally holding my hand. He asked me to hang out on Saturday, and he introduced me to all of his High School friends. I invited him to my place on Sunday, and watched a movie, and he told me he liked me. And then he took me for Jamba on Monday and Visited for a little. It's been a good week.
So there ya go.. I have been so patient, I feel like I've been interested in him forever!!! and i was sure nothing was going to happen, PATIENCE IS A VIRTUE. yep sir it is.
Now I'm kind of playing things by ear.. and Praying i dont lose interest, because hes the greatest guy.. Just so sweet, just thinking of him gives me an adrenaline rush... weird i know. I really like him,...
The end.
More exciting things.
My discrete math Professor has his PhD. His last name is Brown. Doc Brown anyone? ( Back to the future reference)
Today is tuesday--- Taco tuesday at cafe rio.
School is Awesome. I'm having a great semester so far.
Math is awful... Never major in math... I dont know what I am thinking.
Pinterest is fun.
the end.
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
I'm Sorry
I felt like this post is more than necessary. After realizing that I don't always think through my actions, and realizing the aftermath that I've caused, I'd just like to say I'm sorry. I'm sorry if I hurt you. I'm sorry if i lied to you. I am so sorry to anyone that I've wronged. I promise, I've never intentionally tried to hurt anyone. My friends and family are the most important people in my life, and I love them. When It comes down to it, I do make priority of family over friends. But that doesn't just mean my blood relatives. I have some amazing friends that I would definitely consider family (like my roommates, among others). Part of my New Year resolution is to completely forget myself, and serve others. I've tried this in the past and was always frustrated because i expected something in return from the people I served.... Nothing big just recognition, and maybe some sympathy. But I've realized that when it's service, there is no recognition required. I'm going to be a better person, I Promise.
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